Transforming Yourself Without Ensuring Acceptance from Others

I’ve been reflecting a lot recently on idea of transformation, authenticity, and healing. Now that I’ve been engaged for a over a week, I’ve found myself looking at the big events in my life as markers and the time in between as times of growth, change and transition leading to transformation. It’s as if these big events in some way marked the beginning to a new transitional period.

What is transformation? To me, transformation is part of the process of healing. It’s a process of iteration of the self, not be be better or to improve but rather to tear down, strip by strip, the ideas, belief systems and other blockages that keep us from being exactly who we were born to be.

Transformation, then, is a healing process to return us to our inherent nature, stripped of cultural, familial or other programming that has removed us from our authentic selves.

Yesterday around 7am PST was a lunar eclipse which carried with it the energy to help us forge forward into another transformation phase, that of stepping more fully into who we were meant to be as a creative force in the world. To build more happiness and passion from this place, and to let go of constructing ourselves and our life in a way that ensures acceptance and prevents rejection.

This last part is so important, and so relevant to where I am at today. Almost eight years ago, I was married for the first time. I had just finished a masters degree in environmental science and accepted a job in the same field. At the same time, the healer in me had emerged and was fighting to be known. I started taking meditation and yoga classes and developing my intuition. No sooner had a I committed myself to a partnership based on me as a literal, boringly rational and scientific person did my inner mystic emerge.

The period of time between that first marriage and this new engagement has been a period of refining my way back to my most authentic self – of shedding belief systems that don’t work for me, of seeking the deeper truths behind mundane responses, of diving deeper and deeper into the psyche and the energy body. And then learning to do all of this very openly, exposed in the public light in a way that both scares the crap out of me and makes me feel alive.

If you follow my website much, you’ll notice that it, too, is in a constant state of refinement. More clarity. Less clutter to create a consistent message. More exposure around what it is exactly I do. When I started, I was afraid to expose exactly what I was offering and tried to wrap it in bows and drench it in sugar.

I was creating a very personally-based business in a way that tried to ensure acceptance and prevent rejection.

I’ve always been an accommodator. I’ve always wanted everyone to feel accepted and to like me and what I do. But both as a healer and as a business woman (and really, as a person), I’ve realized that doesn’t work. And it’s really rather boring. I have some pretty big ideas. Some pretty big opinions. And they grow and change as I continue to evolve and transform as a person. I’ve realized that to do what I do as passionately as I want to means that at some point, I will probably piss some people off.

I see part of my job is as a guardian and protector of the methods and modalities of healing that help bring us closer to ourselves, as a dissenter of what is dangerous to the sensitive, and as an advocate of positive change in my clients. Sometimes, positive change inside of us will disappoint or even anger those around us as we start to take care of ourselves in a real and authentic way and stop accommodating harmful or outdated demands from others.

This form of self-care isn’t self-centered; for us sensitive souls, it’s simply self-preservation.

We are the givers, and givers must always put limits on giving because takers rarely do. I help to guard this self-care process in my clients even as it shifts their world and people around them.

This process, and my opinions of the process as a very important journey through self-care, is sure to piss a few people off along the way. Often times, it’s the friends or parents of a client. More rarely, it’s the client themselves. Most often, it’s the skeptical looking in from the outside at a process they don’t understand and that I will vehemently defend as natural and necessary for survival.

Intuition and the intuitive arts have been seen for hundreds of years as a dangerous type of hysteria, a form of self-help therapy, or a distraction from the “truth” of rationality. Founding work from intuition would have had me burned at the stake a hundred years ago, chased from the village or shunned. It’s in our cultural memory to fear the types of work we don’t understand. And so while our culture generally fears intuition, we have also become more enamored with the idea of self-reliance and an internal compass for direction. We fear intuition and yet we seek its answers.

Medical intuitive Caroline Myss said:

We often hesitate to follow our intuition out of fear. Most usually, we are afraid of the changes in our own life that our actions will bring. Intuitive guidance, however, is about change. It is energetic data ripe with the potential to influence the rest of the world. To fear change but to crave intuitive clarity is like fearing the cold, dark night while pouring water on the fire that lights your cave. An insight the size of a mustard seed is powerful enough to bring down a mountain-sized illusion that may be holding our lives together. Trust strikes without mercy. We fear our intuitions because we fear the transformational power within our revelations.

I have never let the fear of change limit my ability to transform. I have never seen a problem with allowing new information to change my belief systems, to allow me to grow. I have always sought a greater truth, ever since I was a young child. I have always known a greater connection to the world around me and to the Universe, and developing my intuition has helped me see that connection in technicolor, as well as help others see their connections. Recently, I realized there was a term for a person like me: a mystic.

Just like the term psychic, the word mystic has many negative connotations. People seem to think that a mystic is someone into some odd occult, like someone who studies magic or lives in a cave or something. But that isn’t true.  Mysticism is the study of how we can come to live within our most authentic nature. Simply put, a mystic is someone who seeks to know (not in the intellectual sense, but in the sense of full consciousness) the deepest truth of existence. I have always sought this.

I have always sought to unravel the mundane layers of how we project ourselves and get into the deep stuff – who we are at our core.

And so during this big time of transition for me, while I look at joining my life with someone I love, I continue to maintain and hold space for my own transformation deeper into myself. As I reflect on the energy of this eclipse and the permission it gives to create in a way that allows me to be exactly the passionate, creative mystic I was born to be, I am energized. Because I feel so lucky to believe in who I am the work I do. In the energy of this full moon, I set intentions for myself to continue to create a passionate and authentic life unrestricted by constructions to appease the masses, to fit it, or to ensure acceptance. It’s a big step for me. And, just like those first steps into anything new, it brings up fear. But fear is no big deal to this mystic, right? Just another companion along the journey.

Are you ready to reach a deeper level of knowing yourself? A deeper level of growth and self acceptance? The truth is that as we reach deeper and deeper layers of authenticity, the blockages we remove along the way are the same ones keeping us from experiencing joy and connection. So as we strip away the layers, we become happier, more vibrant, and more full of joy.

Where is fear of acceptance holding you back? What parts of yourself are you sacrificing in order to save face, to please others, to accommodate or to try and belong? How is this affecting your happiness?

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