Which parts of your life are you tolerating, and which are you choosing?
I was recently reading a book called “Life Well Spoken,” by Kris Prochaska. In it, she asked this question, which has since significantly shifted my life. It wasn’t that the idea was new, or that I hadn’t thought about it, it was that it was so bluntly asked.
What are you tolerating and what are you choosing? And further, what are you missing because of what you are tolerating?
Once the question was asked, I started making lists. I listed out the various aspects of my life — work, business, friends, relationships, fitness, health, etc., and starting with the aspects I found most important, started noticing what I was choosing and what I was tolerating. The initial labels were pretty easy for me since I do a lot of this work for myself anyway, but what was difficult was letting go of the story of “why” I needed to continue to tolerate things that I wasn’t choosing.
For example, I found myself tolerating business relationships that were difficult and that I knew were affecting my health and well-being because I believed I needed the income from those partnerships. So while I was choosing the partnership, I was tolerating its effects because I believed that I needed something from that partnership. This opened up a lot of gray area for me, and pointed to where my fear was trapping me into tolerating situations that didn’t serve well.
I was confused. I didn’t know what to do, and for a while I tried to think myself out of it, which, let’s face it, usually doesn’t work.
So I didn’t change anything for a while. Which is really, really hard for me. Once I know something is “off,” I like to fix it, make it right, change, evolve, transform and “BAM!” – immediately be in a new place. If you want to bake a cake you have to have the right mixture of ingredients, let them mix together and then actually spend time baking it before the gooey mess turns into something edible. AND, if you want the delicious frosting on top, you have to wait for the darn thing to cool so that the frosting doesn’t run all over your countertop.
So I highlighted the parts of my life that I was tolerating, set an intention to get some answers about how to get over the fears that were keeping me attached to tolerating unhealthy things, and tucked my lists safely away into my journal. Then I kind of forgot about them. Well, not forgot forgot, but forgot that I made a list. I focused instead on what I was missing out on – what would I choose in place of those things I was tolerating if fear were not a problem?
Sometimes, answering this questions is daunting. Our mind says, “What would it look like? How would I get there? What are the logical steps to take to arrive at that result? What would my mother say? Why do I want such things? Everyone else seems okay tolerating the mundane, why not me?” Basically, the mind takes us into territory that keeps us spinning on a hamster wheel – we begin to believe that if we can’t see what the alternative would look like and exactly how to get there, then it must not exist or be a viable option.
That, my fine friends, is false.
Our mind is not who we are. Our mind is a fine tool of analyzation that helps us with a myriad of things. However, it can also cloud our reality because part of the mind’s job is to spin the thoughts and impressions that we gather or are otherwise exposed to. We digest images, ideas, thoughts, conversations and our mind spins them back to us on an unending cycle. It does not spin possibilities outside of its range of exposure. So, if you want to create something new, you must get outside of the mind in order to create it.
This is where energy and meditation are extremely useful.
Instead of focusing on exactly what I wanted to put in place in my life and how I would get it, I focused instead on what it would feel like if I already had it. How would every cell of my body resonate by having this new reality that was otherwise undefined? How would my body feel when I was fully in charge of my business relationships and financial security and not dependent on tolerated situations that affected my health and well-being? In meditation, I visualized this feeling, this vibrational frequency, and I imagined every cell of my body vibrating at this frequency.
I did this daily. Well, almost. I’m not perfect, either. But I did it consistently.
What happened next was that small shifts started to happen. In other words, the cake started baking. A book about abundance came into my life from a friend. I had the creative inspiration to create a new program to offer to clients. I was guided by another friend to a new marketing program. All the sudden, I could see that the financial stability didn’t have to be dependent on this tolerated situation. In small steps, and yet all at once, my life started shifting. That gooey mess in the oven started turning into something firm. A plan started forming – meaning that my analytical mind was catching up to the energetic shift that was happening in my energy body, so that now it could begin to explain things as they happened. But my mind was not in charge. I was in charge, meaning Me, the Self, the higher part of me that shifts through energy first, then materializes physically. Like the cake, the cake batter is not in charge. It’s Me, the Maker of the cake, who shifts the oven to the right temperature, mixes the ingredients, sets a timer and then walks away.
Understand first what you want to change; what you want to stop tolerating. Then, feel the vibration of the new reality you want to create. Feel the vibration of your new reality in every cell of your body and allow the shift to happen. Allow the cake to bake. The cake doesn’t bake any faster or more efficiently if you try to analyze every step, every temperature shift of the batter. Real life shifts happen when you focus on the vibration of what you want as if you already have it.
If you need some help with this, try this meditation. If you need more guidance, here is a video meditation to help get you into your body so you can begin to practice vibrational meditation (video coming soon!).
My life has shifted away from what I was tolerating and into more of vibration of my own choosing. I don’t know exactly what it will look like yet, but that’s okay, I can trust the process because I see how it is changing in big ways. Once this iteration is finished shifting, I think I’ll wait a bit more and add some frosting. It’s my favorite part 😉